How I’m Feeling…

Hello all,

Welcome back to these beautiful, chaotic, and messy shores. I hope you’re all feeling alive, happy, and healthy this week. I, personally, have had a pretty rough week dealing with some life situations that have honestly had me stuck in this strange emotional whirlpool. I’m honestly beyond grateful for any emotion I feel because at the end of the day, it’s a reminder that I’m very much still present in this life, but sometimes I believe that once I start feeling a certain emotion I don’t always know how to put a stop to it. In a way, it seems to play this undertone, this soft somber that is just continuously there throughout my day…even if I do feel a different emotion for a split second. Since I try to be as open, honest, and vulnerable with you as much as I can, I think it’s only fair to let you know that I am sadly a little uninspired and unmotivated right now. I’m not sure if it is because of the life circumstances I have been dealing with and trying to understand, or if I am going through a changing period, or if it’s due to something simple like the wind and the weather getting hotter…but I just don’t feel particularly like myself this week and I think it’s only fair that I share a little bit about it with you.

I’ve found myself recently staying up later than I usually do just letting my mind wander through certain thoughts about myself, my emotions, and life. Whenever I do start feeling these strange emotions, I usually try to just let myself feel them out thoroughly in that moment, day, etc…, but recently the decompressing of days have seemed to become a little more longer. I don’t mean this in the way that I’m staying up late feeling bad for myself, but more in the way that I’m staying up late due to these emotions because I am trying to balance them out. For example, I've recently become a little more interested in the art of balance, and one thing I’ve learned is that when you start feeling strangely, you should write down the feeling and something that’s opposed this very feeling within the same day. For example, today I was honestly feeling a little bit down and ironically I feel the most unmotivated today. However, I also realized today was Thursday and I still had to finish writing the journal for us this week…which did instill some motivation in me. Before learning to remind myself of my own gratitude, emotions, and blessings in a way, I would kind of dwell very hard on situations and have a “why me” mindset, and I’m not going to lie…when it comes to certain situations I do here-and-there have those little “why me” thoughts, but the exercise of checking myself with the amount of blessings, love, peace, and people around me has helped me immensely of ridding these thoughts and balancing these emotions.

Thank you so much for taking your time and energy to sail the seas to these beautiful, chaotic, and messy shores of ours. I apologize if this journal was a bit short this week, but I hope you can understand. I’m sending you the most amount of peace …continue surfing these waves back here for more…

With great love always,

M.H. John

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