Can You Read My SOS?
Hello all,
Welcome back to my hidden cave along the coastline shores. Before we get into this week’s journal, I want to express my gratitude and gratefulness for you all. The amount of love, support, and positivity you all have poured into me within this last week has been the most beautiful experience I have ever had. I cannot thank you all enough, I am beyond grateful for you, your mind, and your heart and I thank you beyond words.
Now, I feel it’s only right to open the stained glass windows of my soul and give you a little more insight into myself, my heart, and a glimpse into my experience(s) in love. Picking up from our last journal, I started talking about how I began experiencing anxiety and depression at a younger age. There have been a number of factors that I have endured that caused my brain to start releasing emotional pain at such a young age, but one factor I found to be the most common…was love. Over this last week I began reading through all my journals, but there was one entry in particular that stuck out to me. This specific journal entry was written June 4, 2023, so it’s fair to say it could partially be a good example of how I view(ed) love. When it comes to writing about my heart’s experiences, I most times have trouble reverting back to those memories in letting myself be washed in the waves caused by other peoples heart aches, so I have some exercise books to help me out. This specific exercise we’re looking at today is called “Loving”. It comes from Rupi Kaur’s book, “Healing Through Words”, which I highly recommend.
Looking at this exercise, it asks to describe love with single words, here’s how I view(ed) love…
Exciting, adventurous, beautiful, tragic, melancholy, blue, hopeful, lonely, and painful.
After describing love with single words, I was then asked to describe love without actually using the word love, this is how I saw and still, in a way, see love to be.
To me, it can be described as being in the middle of the emerald green sea, on a white boat, with the person that ignites you and your emotions the most. However, at some point together while out at sea…lonely… you know that same, igniting person, is going to hold you until you are fast asleep and then they are going to tie your hands together and throw you overboard… now you’re using the power of your own two feet for yourself and wellbeing. In the middle of the emerald green sea your chest is open and your hearts pain mixes with the waves, washing you in the color red. Your body fills with water but it doesn’t weight you down, instead it helps you float…barely enough to keep your eyes above water level. Although you won’t be able to breathe, you’ll be able to see. Soon you’ll realize that although breathing another humans air can be amazing…it’s all sublime and your moral sense of direction is far more divine.
In the end, you know I am too vulnerable
To be riding our oceans waves alone…
Could you read my SOS?
Can you be the one
To signal me back home?
Thank you all so much for reading this week’s journal. I cannot explain how much I appreciate you, your time, your mind, and your heart. Follow the fair winds and the following seas to dive deeper into my heart next week…
With great love always,
M.H. John