Pit Stop
Hello all,
Welcome back to these beautiful, chaotic, and messy shores. I am more than beyond thankful and grateful for you taking your time and energy to surf the waves back here to me this week. I hope you’re feeling happy, healthy, and mindful this week. I, personally, have had a bit of an interesting week (both internally and externally). If I’m being honest, I don’t entirely feel 100% comfortable sharing what’s been going on around me that’s caused me to feel like this (because truthfully I believe I’m still processing), but instead, I’d like to talk and share a little bit about the things I'm grateful for in this life and a few things I find most beautiful…I guess you could say we’re doing a gratitude journal this week. Sometimes, in life, when the sun starts to set just under the horizon of the sea and the sky fades from a pastel ombre to the nightly shade of black, and the moon pulls the tide closer and closer to the shore, turning into the bay… I like to remind myself that even though at night the beauty of the white sand beaches get lost under the water, by day, they’re whole again… with new seashells to be discovered, and the violent waves are a little bit more controlled.
One thing that I've been extremely grateful for, probably more than ever, is the present… I am the type of the person that moves between two spaces in life; the past and the future. If I'm not trying to figure out, or worrying about, how I’m going to establish myself for my future, how I’m going to set myself up for comfortability, then I’m too busy drowning in my own head… to busy living in past circumstances, past emotions or trauma, or even past conversations… I guess really just self-pitting. But, recently, I’ve learned to make a pit stop at the present while traveling between the county lines of the past and future… and truthfully I’ve been enjoying it here very much. I’ve been noticing such smaller details to life that I've looked through so many times… some even as simple as feeling which way the wind is blowing in from.
I’ve been very much grateful for the people in my life lately…I am grateful for them every single day, don’t get me wrong, but recently I feel I've just been connecting with everyone in my life at a deeper level and I’m beyond thankful for that … I went through a time not too long ago where I was isolating myself very much from the people around me… any time I was around anyone, it started to feel like I was suffocating and I really couldn’t figure out why. Until one day, I had a conversation with someone very close to me about this topic and they pointed out that the reason for this, was because I didn’t have the patience to connect with myself, and if I can’t connect with myself, how am I going to find the patience to connect with these people in my life who care so much for me? Totally called me out on my bullshit…but I needed to hear it. After this conversation, I went home and sat with what was said to me and began journaling everything out that was making me angry, making me frustrated, and everything that was making me feel like a hostage to my emotions… unironically, every thought and emotion that came out of me was all tied to my past somehow. So, in that moment, I made a conscious decision to purge everything that is no longer aligning with me, presently, instead of trying to align myself to my past or future… Since doing this, I have been feeling so much lighter, not entirely, but I’ve definitely moved up the mountain from the ground I was standing on…
All together, I am still figuring out life’s beauty every single day…every time I think I’ve found something eye-opening, it slips away only to be replaced by something more breathtaking. I’m learning that the messiness to life, the hardships, the trials and tribulations, are also what makes life beautiful…because in every change, there’s an opportunity to become more aware to every small detail to life and yourself.
Thank you so much for taking your time and energy to read this weeks journal, I appreciate it more than I could ever truly express. Make sure to surf the waves back here next week for more! Take care of yourselves… I can’t navigate these seas without the lighthouse of you.
With great love always,
M.H. John